HUGE GAP (3 years)

No way. I haven't posted in over three years. That's rich. I must admit, going over the posts of this old blog gives me the most familiar feelings. Three years later, I still suck. I don't suck nearly as much. I've straightened out many of my bad habits and I am certainly much more successful in life than my last update, but it's refreshing to see that there is someone that understands my problems that I have. Granted, that person is me from three years ago, but still, it's better than no one.
It seems obvious to me now what my strengths and the root of my problems were and how to handle them:
-Adam is a lone wolf, but he needs to ask for help/advice.
-Adam is a hard worker, but he makes excuses to waste time.
-Adam is an athlete, but he comforts himself with excessive food and leisure.

Interestingly enough, I've come a long way in three years. I've started a sales career, I lost fifty pounds, and I've learned to be more warm and welcoming. But I am not even close to where I need to be. Due to carelessness, I am out of a job (just resigned at mindSHIFT), I am out of an exercise regimen, and I don't really interact with the outside world much, at least lately.
So many new things have happened since my last post as well. I now have two beautiful boys. I love my Oscar and Allen. I live in Northern Virginia. Yes, I got out of Tulsa. But still, this "suck" that I spoke of is still right with me. It's no demon or force to be defeated. This "suck" is Adam Dispenza. It's not about killing a suck. It's about enriching my life. Fill the voids that the suck, well, sucks.
I am still not 100% healthy with my food choices. I've improved. I've cut calories from drinks. But I still have a way to go.
Video games still suck my life. I'm a sucker for video games. At this time, they do much more harm than good. I use them for the comfort they provide. But I shouldn't be playing, I should be creating. Doodle, write a story, learn a language, build your business. Create. Invent. The suck can not live in that environment.
I'm still a bit depressed. If there was some way to provide for my family on the condition that I had to die, I'd take it instantly. No thought required. I still feel hopeless at times. Yet, reading back on this blog, I see that I've made great strides. Perhaps this will be my year. 2012 had it's share of troubles, but it was great overall. So much achievement. 2013 got off to a rough start, but this will be better than the last.

I give you hope, Mr. Adam. I wish I could write back and tell you. ORU was a mistake. Majoring in government was a mistake. Those two decisions are a thorn in my side today. Still, I've not made many mistakes. I think that I will even learn from them. And do better.

End.

Red Letter Day (Coming Soon)

So in a struggle to lose my fat butt and to get my flabby mind back into shape, I decided to quit my job and focus on my studies. And my friends, that day is soon. In three days, I will have all the time in the world to dedicate toward things that I put off for far too long. Well gee, I am excited. I just hope to high heaven that I can actually pull this off. It's going to be tough work. That's all for now.

End.

So Far, So What?

Here's a quick overview of how my plans went in the past week in terms of getting my life in order:
-Never made it to the Athletic Center
-Did exercise a few scant times
-Still didn't have enough time to finish all my homework
-Gave my two week notice to Reasor's so that I can have time to do my homework
-Didn't get up as early as I wanted to
-Got up significantly early than the past few months on average
-Rode my bike to school everyday instead of driving
-Ate healthier than usual throughout the week
-Still ate a little too well if you know what I mean

-Overall: Progress was made, but it was a slow start.

Oh well, I'm sure it will get better. Right now, I need to go to bed.

End.

The Battle of the Suck

So it begins.

As I have said in passing before, the Suck is the way that I do things. But how badly do I do things that I have donned on the title "Suck" for my behavior? Well, here's a generic list of things that I may or may not specifically done that demonstrates my sheer awesomeness at failing in life:

-Eat fast food and promise to work out the next day
-Skip class in order to do some extra studying
-Play video games for most of the day in preparation of the big night of studying
-Fail classes instead of completing them because I missed one or two assignments and asked for an incomplete (which never got completed)
-Other things that I don't have the heart to write about right now

The Suck reaches deep into just about every area of my life, so
what chance do I have of ever combating the Suck? Well, I don't think that I have ever been this ready to actually do something about it more than I am now. Here's another little list that shows what chance I have of actually overcoming Lord Suckingshire and his band of Sucking Minions:

-I have the deep seeded need to leave Tulsa Oklahoma and move to somewhere that doesn't even rhyme with Tulsa
-I am genuinely interested in my studies, and I realize that I am nowhere where I need to be academically in order to make a living off of them
-I want to regain my former healthy body in order to live longer (a plus) and perhaps join the military as an officer, and then someday as a chaplain
-I have given up video games for the remainder of my undergrad career
-I quit my job. While this is not a good thing in itself, it allows me to spend the time required working on my school so that I can graduate. Also, I am prompted to graduate as fast as I can now that I know I have nothing to live on but a wing and a prayer

Okay, this is still a little bleak. In my defense, however, I think that some hope is infinitely better than the cold depths of hopelessness. And for that matter, I finally have a plan. I don't think that I will ever jump into anything ever again without some sort of strategy and exit strategy. So this may very well work. I seriously hope that God is looking out for me right now, because I could sure as heck use his help. Now then, I have to get off and start planning for tomorrow. It's my first day of a new, and perhaps not-so-helpless way of living. I'll be back with more details later.

End.

To Do or Not To Do

Oh look, I've all ready abandoned this site and it's not even a week old yet. Not so fast! Look, I'm here. It's just too late to do anything right now to the site, so I thought it would be a good idea to just pay it a visit for now. I'll be back--with ideas!

End.

Hey There, Fatso!

If you read my first post (God help you), you may recall that I mentioned that I was more plump than I wanted to be. Well gee, how did this happen? I'll tell you!

1. I stopped exercising consistently.
2. I started driving to places that I could easily walk to.
3. I stopped watching what I ate. More like, I started to watch what I ate, but everything that I watched looked so yummy that I had to eat it all.
4. I let other things take priority over my fitness.

5. I overall lost motivation.

Whew, I'm glad that is off my overly fat chest. I've always known these things to be true, but I haven't been drastic enough in doing anything about it. Don't get me wrong, I have been trying, but the Suck (I guess I should capitalize "Suck" from now on every time I am referring to the way I do life) always gets in the way. How am I supposed to challenge the Suck?

1. This site will soon contain weekly updates, both informational and pictorial, of how I have done. The pictures will frighten the week of heart, so please do not let the elderly or the young near this computer while looking at this site. Also, it may not be safe for work since the pictures of my fat, topless body will border on terrifying.

2. I will come up with a game plan on this site for diet, exercise, and time management.

Oh yeah! I can feel the Suck trembling in his little Suck shoes right now. Actually, I can't since he doesn't have shoes. But if he did, hoo-boy he would be shaking.
I would take a picture of myself right now, but I think I should run this idea before the wife first. She might not like the idea of my hot body causing other's to lust after me. She'll be home soon, I hope. That's all for now.

End.

First (and worst) Post

First posts always suck. I don't want to mess this post up though because if I start off on the wrong foot, there is a good chance that this blog will end up like the millions of other blogs that go nowhere. Heck, I don't even like the idea of calling this a blog (I feel by calling it such that I all ready doomed it to failure). Crap, this is starting to suck! Um...

Change of subject! Now then, why am I making this blog, er, self help site? Because I am pitiful! I am lame! Worst of all, I am average. Yes, I am not a master of any given talent. I am good at a lot of things, I know a lot of stuff, but if you were to ask me what I am or what is perhaps my "thing," I will have to get back to you on that. So there, mentally, I am not where I want to be. I would like to help myself complete the two following ideas:
1. Become a master at some talent or study.
2. Figure out what exactly what number one means.
With this site as a structure, I hope to come closer to my goals. Though I remain hopeful, the suck, which is my way of living, is creeping slowly towards me right now. I can feel its eerie presence oozing towards me right now! It's calling me to play video games! It wants me to waste more of my life! Help me! It craves more fast food, and even less exercise!
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. Another important feature that I wish to implement is my monitoring my health. I'm kind of a fatass right now. I think it will be great to beat the suck at his own game and actually exercise. I used to exercise all the time, but I have not been good with that for the past two years now. Yikes, I have a lot of fat to lose.
There isn't too much more I want to say right now. I figure that this is a good start. After all, if this is truly going to be a first post, I don't want to add anymore content since there is a chance I will start making this a decent post. First posts are supposed to suck.

End.